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Dalina's Story:

Case study 1: Dalina- names have been changed for confidentiality purposes

After separating from my husband, I thought the violence and pain would end. I was scared and felt unsure of what I could do. If I left him, maybe I could think things through. There were times when I felt guilty, but I knew it couldn’t go on. Not knowing when I would get that next beating. Have I cooked the meal right this time? Is everything in the right place? Is the washing done? Surely if I get it all done correctly, then I may be spared the name calling this time.

But it just didn’t seem to stop. I could get on top of my chores, take extra care to make things the way he likes them, but it just wasn’t enough. He would find another reason to blame me for, and tell me it’s my fault for the punches, the kicks. If I could do things properly, he wouldn’t have to do this.

For some time I believed this. I had 3 children with him. Maybe if I try a little harder, he might show me that love again I was so longing for. He wasn’t bad when we met. I could remember the times when we would sit and laugh together. But that seemed so far away on this one night. This was it, I had to leave. I had spent years of enduring the pain, but no more. My children seemed to be upset, depressed. I couldn’t take it. The throbbing pain in my head, arms and almost all my body were making me feel sick. It was constant. I was thrown about, objects were thrown at me. I thought to myself, this can’t be love.

I felt so lonely. I had 3 young children to take with me and didn’t feel I understood the legal system well enough to get support. I don’t speak English very well and would have to use my young son to interpret for me. I didn’t want to burden him but I just didn’t know how else to get away. I spent days and nights worrying of what would happen if I left. My husband speaks English and I rely on him for so much. However, I plucked the courage to leave. I had called a friend and arranged to move in with him until I could get help. The police referred me to Staying Put.

I was anxious as I did not want to tell them everything through my son. I did not want him to know all the things I wanted to protect him from. A worker from Staying Put informed me that they will use an interpreter so that I can explain what I need to say in my own words and keep my son away form this. My husband had found out where I live and the threats began. He threatened to kill me and my children. He threatened to rape my mother. He did some of this through my son’s mobile, exposing him to the abuse. Staying Put arranged some security at my friend’s house whilst I was staying over. They installed a panic alarm. This made me feel much safer, as I struggled to call the police and explain why I am calling. This is due to my lack of English. The alarm gave me peace of mind, as I knew I could press a button and the police would attend the property. Staying Put also arranged a solicitor’s appointment for me, so that I could get an emergency order to keep my husband away from me. I now have an injunction, preventing him from contacting me.

I finally felt I could be at ease again, but there was so much I had gone through. There was so much my children had witnesses and I didn’t feel as though I had recovered from the years of abuse. My support worker asked me whether I and my children would like counselling. She said she would arrange for counselling in my own language. This made me feel great. Having Staying Put support me, made me fell less anxious. The fact that my English was limited was not a barrier, as I thought it might have been.

I have moved on and feel much more at ease. I am going through divorce proceedings at the moment, and I feel far more positive for the future ahead of myself and my 3 children.